{"id":746,"date":"2012-07-17T11:51:11","date_gmt":"2012-07-17T19:51:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/?p=746"},"modified":"2012-07-24T08:50:43","modified_gmt":"2012-07-24T16:50:43","slug":"on-the-run","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/746\/on-the-run\/","title":{"rendered":"On the run"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lucia arrived not long after Dante woke up<\/a>. She hustled the kids off to school.They were hardly out the door when the phone rang. I froze with my hand above the receiver. Two rings, three, four. Then I could hear Charlie\u2019s baritone projected from the out-going message on the answering machine, informing himself that there was no one there. Immediately after the beep, the live Charlie\u2019s voice replaced the recorded one.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdrienne? Hello? Are you there? If you\u2019re there, babe, pick up the phone.\u201d He paused. \u201cAdrienne? We need to talk about this. Call me, right away, okay? Let me know when you want to meet, and where.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIn Hell,\u201d I said without picking up the phone.<\/p>\n

After that I called the department secretary and said I was sick. Then I put in a couple of calls to doctors who\u2019d have to cover for me. I spent the next two hours mostly standing still in the living room, or on my back on the couch. Once, I actually booted up the computer with some thought of working on the blood thinner data I was researching.<\/p>\n

A decision<\/h3>\n

As I stared uncomprehendingly at the screen, my mind kept pawing over the fabric of my life history, searching for the flaws that had led me to this place. I should have avoided marriage, should have seen a therapist, should have married someone else. I never should have had children. I should have spent less time working and more time nurturing my marriage. I should I beg Charlie to come back to me now. I should smash him over the head with a five iron.<\/p>\n

I needed someone to help me think. I dialed the phone number of my friend Janice, from college, but her secretary said she wasn\u2019t in. Oddly, her home number was disconnected. And I realized with a start that I hadn’t been in touch with any other friends in months or years. What did people do when they were in circumstances like mine? Where did they turn?<\/p>\n

Into my head came the vision of a room far away with a door Charlie couldn\u2019t find. Inside it was a bed big enough for my children and me, its covers turned down. So where was this room? Clearly California was the place. There was plenty of room at my mother\u2019s house, and the kids would love to see her. They could also visit with their cousin Cody. And if things got tight there, we could always retreat to Dad\u2019s house in Humboldt. The more I thought about it, the more relief I felt.<\/p>\n

By the time Lucia had brought the kids home, I\u2019d made plane reservations and packed their bags. I wrote her a check big enough to cover the next couple of weeks. But when I told her about her unplanned vacation, she frowned. \u201cWhat about Dante\u2019s school?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll be okay. I\u2019ll call his teacher to get a couple of assignments we can do in California.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs too quick. They need time to get ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Lucia,\u201d I said. \u201cDon\u2019t worry. It\u2019s only for a few days. Then I promise to bring them back again.\u201d<\/p>\n

She knelt, and pulled the kids into her, slathering them with kisses. When she stood, her face was covered in tears and I hugged her, as if she were the one who needed comforting. Chloe began to whimper, Dante\u2019s mouth inverted. It was all I could do to keep from joining in.<\/p>\n

The escape<\/h3>\n

I couldn\u2019t, though. There were phone calls to make, bags to pack. I\u2019ve never done anything so impetuous in my life as to snatch up my children, board a plane and leave for two weeks without explanation. Fortunately, I had a great reputation at St. John\u2019s. I always put in the extra hour, got my reports submitted, my forms filled out on time.<\/p>\n

More important, my research had attracted attention. So the appointments that would have to be covered, the cases that would have to be reassigned, the paper that would have to be shuffled — the massive disruption I was causing — probably wouldn\u2019t get me fired. My main fear was for my patients.<\/p>\n

In the taxi to the airport the kids were full of questions. But I couldn\u2019t tell them what they really needed to know. And because my answers were so unsatisfying, they kept after me.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy isn\u2019t Daddy coming?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe has to work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you have to work?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m just very tired. I need someplace to rest and think.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs Daddy tired?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe might be\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere is he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith his friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoesn\u2019t he want to be with us?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith you, yes. Just not with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know, Dante. I don\u2019t know, Chloe. I don\u2019t know, I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

The air was cool at the Oakland Airport, and drier than the thick atmosphere I\u2019d left in New York. Waiting in line at the rental car office, I tried her on my cell phone and couldn\u2019t get through. I hadn\u2019t reached her in three calls from New York, or from the sky phone over Nevada, or after landing. It was only as we sped over the hills that I suddenly remembered an email she\u2019d sent a week earlier, detailing her plans to spend a month in Sierra Leone. She came and went so often that I hardly could keep track of her travels. Now the realization sank into my stomach like a gulp of lead. I took my foot off the accelerator for a moment, letting the car coast.<\/p>\n

In my old handbag, hanging in my bedroom closet at home, I still had a key to Mom\u2019s house, but I never remembered to bring it when was in California. I couldn’t reach Darby either, and even if I went there, I figured her tiny place couldn’t hold the three of us. Then where? To get to Dad\u2019s place from Pleasant Valley was a good five-hour drive and it was already after 7 p.m. I accelerated again, looking for motel signs.<\/p>\n

Within five minutes, I passed a sign reading \u201cGas, Food, Lodging, Next Exit,\u201d but I motored on. The logos of various hotel chains were displayed at the next exit, but still I didn\u2019t stop. As I sped past them, I pictured a swayback bed on thin-pile carpet under a velvet painting next to a fiberboard nightstand. In the nightstand, was a Gideon\u2019s Bible. And I realized I couldn\u2019t do that. I needed something warmer, a live human being who could listen to me, say something comforting, at least acknowledge who I was. I needed somebody who had some connection to me. And just about the only person within a hundred miles, besides Darby, was Matt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lucia arrived not long after Dante woke up. She hustled the kids off to school.They were hardly out the door when the phone rang. I froze with my hand above the receiver. Two rings, three, four. Then I could hear Charlie\u2019s baritone<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[60,24,23,41,59,10],"class_list":["post-746","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adrienne","tag-digital-ficition","tag-fidelity","tag-infidelity","tag-interactive-novel","tag-poly-children","tag-polyamory"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=746"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":860,"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/746\/revisions\/860"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=746"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=746"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lairdharrison.com\/fallenlake\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=746"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}