Last week I had the pleasure of meeting Kathy Labriola, author of the book Love In Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice On Open Relationships, when she gave a talk at Modern Times Books in San Francisco where I’ll be speaking on Aug. 30. Kathy offered a standing-room-only crowd a wealth of wisdom on the subject of polyamory, gleaned from her practice as a counselor in this area. (She uses the terms polyamory, open relationships, and nonmonogamy interchangeably.) I’d heard some of it before — about jealously arising out of insecurity, for example.
But here’s one insight that stuck with me: Men who are in relationships most often seek additional partners because they want more sex than they are getting. No surprise there. But women, she said, most often seek additional partners because they want more quality time or more intimacy than they are getting. That’s something to think about.
I estimated that two thirds of the audience were women. That fits the stereotype that women are more interested than men in talking about relationships. And we were just talking. Still, there’s a lot of risk involved in exploring polyamory and it impresses me that women are so often in the vanguard of this movement.